well that’s not what I wanted to hear …

I got a call on Thursday from one of my Chemo Dealers asking if I could come in half an hour earlier for my treatment appointment on Friday. He also reminded me to complete my bloodwork before my treatment (which I had forgotten to do last week … woops) and that Dr. Kwan had put in a note saying she wanted to meet with me before my chemo treatment. (Red flag #1)

If you recall in my last update I was going to have a PET scan done on Monday afternoon, and results are typically available 24-48 hours after. On Wednesday I had a missed call from Kaiser, and then ended up playing phone tag with Dr. Kwan, whose last voice mail on Thursday afternoon said she would meet with me during my appointment the next day. (Red flag #2) I asked my LA based BOOB SQUAD (Heather & Tana) to come with me for support, I had a sinking feeling I was going to need them.

Friday morning I checked into my appointment business as usual. Got set up in my chair, and then Dr. Kwan came by and suggested we move to an exam room to discuss my PET scan results. (Red flag #3) If you haven’t picked up on where this is going, I’ll prep you. I didn’t get great news. I got some bad news.

The PET scan shows that the Taxol isn’t attacking the cancer as aggressively as she would like it to at this point. The cancer in my breast and liver is still showing very bright and active and there is new activity in the lymph nodes. On a “good” note their seems to be no change in the cancer on my bones (sternum and pelvis).

F***ING SON OF A BITCH.

Prepping yourself for bad news doesn’t ease the shock of hearing bad news.

The cancer isn’t responding to the Taxol – which Dr. Kwan has already assured me is an aggressive treatment. This stupid, no good, dumb-dumb, poopy-butt hole cancer just wont quit, its time to bring out bigger guns. We skipped chemo treatment this week and starting next week I am going to begin a regimen of Adriamycin and Cytoxan every 3 weeks for 4 cycles. (1 week of treatment 2 weeks of rest.) A  major side effect of this treatment is the possibly interfering with my hearts ability to pump my blood. Considering my age, Dr. Kwan is not too concerned about this however to err on the side of caution she ordered a MUGA scan (which I’m getting on Tuesday) before we begin this new treatment. After all was said and done I asked if she could please include the new chemo drugs in my After Visit Summary Report so I could do some more research on them at home. Dr. Kwan warned me to be weary of what I read online because many people refer to it as “THE PINK DEVIL” – but she doesn’t call it that.

THE PINK F***ING DEVIL. I’m sorry … WHAT?!! I couldn’t help but laugh at this point.

The Pink Devil moniker combined with the deductive reasoning of needing 2 rest weeks for every 1 treatment week (vs the previous Taxol regimen of 1 rest week for every 3 treatment weeks) has me thinking this new chemo is gonna be a MAJOR BITCH.

 

Heather, Tana and I left Kaiser in a shocked haze. We got in the car and someone said “Ok now what do we eat?” (it was probably me). We seemed to silently mind meld and decided to not discuss anything on the matter further until we got back to Heather’s house, set up the audio equipment and record our reactions and feelings for the WTS podcast. So we ate lunch, went to the art store and hardware store, had some ice cream and then headed to Heather’s to start recording.

I called my mom, who agreed to be our guest for the episode, and shared the bad news with her while we recorded. It was such a therapeutic and great experience, to sit around the table with these two girls who I love so much and share our feelings about my cancer. I learned new things about their reactions to learning about my diagnosis I hadn’t even the slightest clue about. Sharing this project with them and having them support and love me gives me such great strength. My heart was bursting with gratitude by the end of the day.

So, now I know you are all thinking. Danielle, when and where can we listen to the WTS podcast. WE WANT TO LISTEN!!! LET US LISTEN ALREADY!!! And to this I say please bear with us, we are new to this whole podcasting thing, we are learning as we go and we want to do it right. We’ve already recorded a lot of footage and have brainstormed an initial format we think we would like to follow. While also keeping in mind we may not get it right the first time we just want to see how this will evolve. Right now we are currently going through our footage in order to edit and weave for you a cohesive, informative and entertaining story. (Phew, that’s a tall order!) But ultimately we are having fun. Weekly episodes with be released every Tuesday for your listening pleasure. I will post links to every new episode on here for you. Our goal is to release our first episode on Tuesday June 27 (maybe Tuesday July 4 if we hit any snags, so please don’t hold me to a promise of a June 27 premier!!).

Tana has started to manage a Instagram page, so please follow us for behind the scenes photos and other fun stuff @wtspodcast.

DISCLAIMER: Now a short disclaimer us gals are quite raw and unfiltered, at times we can have potty mouths. I don’t necessarily want to apologize for being myself, however I do know that cursing does offend people. So please if cursing does offend you don’t listen, because the last thing I wish to do is offend anyone. I know I tend to say some crazy things on this blog peppered with some expletives here and there, but I do tend to censor myself for my more conservative readers. I will continue to blog here so you will not be missing any updates and if you choose not to listen I will not be offended.

 

I love you all.

Until next time.

 

 

 

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