I know, it’s been a long long while. I’m sorry. I have cancer. Best excuse in the book, and I’m using it! If something good comes out of having cancer, it’s having the best get out of jail free card. So I will unabashedly milk that sucker. Aint no shame.
Because let me tell you having cancer is NOT FUN and I will catch a break where I can.
This new chemo regimen is, how do I put this simply … it sucks. It super duper sucks a lot. I’ve now undergone three of the four prescribed cycles. All of which have seem to keep getting worse and leave me absolutely dreading my next treatment. Essentially bed ridden for about a week. The nausea, headaches and fatigue don’t really allow me to even sit up for more than 5-10 minutes at a time (if that). Sucking on hard candy helps, I tend to fall asleep and wake up with a Jolly Rancher in my mouth. I’ve been prescribed medication that works well at keeping the nausea at bay. Works a little too well at keeping everything at bay, if you know what I mean. Backs up the ‘ole pipes leading to a lack of certain movements. If you still aren’t getting it, basically, I can’t poop! Add that to the ever growing list of discomforts. On top of all these physical ailments after chemo I also feel quite helpless, and useless. I have to cry because it overwhelms me and I’m so terribly unhappy in those moments. It feels so unfair that anyone should have to through this. And I know it will pass. I do believe things will get better. I wouldn’t be going through this if I didn’t have the strength to survive it. This is what I believe.
Although I would love to stand in front of you all this pillar of strength and inspiration fighting to survive this horror without flinching or complaint. Picture of me standing tall on a pedestal, american and cuban flags waving in the background, eagles soaring in the distance, Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor” playing and kittens frolicking at my feet (because come on … kittens). I’m gonna be real, I complain. I complain A LOT. Mostly about not pooping and mostly via text to anyone who checks in to see how I’m doing. When I complain, I’m not really looking for sympathy. Like I said, this sucks and I just need to tell whoever will listen. Luckily this most recent round I was fortunate enough to have my momma with me. Initially she had planned to come to LA for my final treatment. But I cried like a 31-year-old baby on the phone and she pushed her trip earlier to be with me for the last two treatments. It’s so comforting having her here – I needed my momma.
We met with during Dr. Kwan during my last treatment. She told us that my bloodwork is looking very good and that the “tumor markers” are getting lower since we started this new treatment. Some good news while I was being tortured! This has her feeling positive about the current treatment. After my last round of chemo, I’ll have PET Scan done and then I will start hormone blockers. My last chemo treatment will be in 2 weeks and I will complain everyday about how I am not looking forward to it to anyone that listens. Yeah, it’s the last one, but surprisingly that fact doesn’t make me dread it any less. I’m good on laxatives and I’ve ordered a 5 lbs bag of Jolly Ranchers from Amazon. Being prepared doesn’t comfort me either. It’s just shitty and I have to do it. And that’s that.
In other news something very exciting has happened for our podcast. You are probably wondering why we haven’t released any episodes after our first. I know you are dying to know what happens after Ryan showed up … But, we were asked not to release any more episodes because we were picked up by Feral Audio who will now be producing and hosting our podcast! Heather, Tana and I couldn’t be more surprised, honored and FRIGGIN’ EXCITED!!!!! AHHHHHHH, it’s exciting stuff. Feral Audio is LEGIT. We all went into the studio a few weeks ago and recorded promos for our podcast to be played before/after other Feral Audio podcasts in anticipation of our launch on Feral Audio’s site the week of August 21st. I am so excited about this, I still don’t have words. Did I mention how excited I am. This is what keeps me going.
I love you all.
Until next time.